Poison or Fruit?

Every person has a voice or voices in their head. After the Pixar movie, Inside Out, I think of the voices in my head having a tea party most days watching my life and such through a beautiful picture window. I do love tea and that is a discussion for another time. However, we all have voices - the one we talk to ourselves with; the one we scold ourselves with; the one we dream with; you get the idea. Truthfully, most of these voices are the ones we picked up along the way in life. The voice of our mom, grandma, dad, brother, granddad, teacher, friend etc. I have begun to realize that most people do not acknowledge the space that they take up in someone’s life with their voice. I used to work as a children’s director at my church and would tell parents that they are the narrators of their child’s world. Looking at that statement now, I did not realize how true it is when I said it. The truth is I can still hear my grandmother’s voice say, “Go change. You know better,” if I wear something that may be a bit too short. I can hear my dad’s voice saying, “Relax. Everything happens for a reason,” when I take a deep breath because things are not going to plan. I can hear the voice of the guy in the audio app reading to me when I am trying to force sleep and my phone is on low battery. Those voices stay with you! And the power they have is often underestimated.

One of my favorite teachers in elementary school was crazy strict and I often spent my recess time writing sentences because I was a very social child. One day she said, “You know you are a good writer.” I believe I laughed because I assumed she meant the sentences that I was well-practiced at writing during recess time. Of course, later I heard her voice when I sat down to write about my particularly tough day in my journal. It made me smile for a moment, maybe I was a good writer. Those voices stick with you. Creating labels and phrases that you wear and live by. Maybe you use them as your guide or perhaps you use them as your motivation to do the opposite. Whatever your stance, the voices have an effect on you. So, if these shaping words are negative and cycle through statements like - “Don’t be so stupid!” or “If I had never had kids I wouldn’t even have to worry about this kind of stuff.” You probably struggle with feeling confident or wanted. If the voices that shape you said positive things like, “Sure, you can do it.” or “Just keep trying!” Then you may find yourself more resilient and willing to attempt a wide variety of things. The point is that these voices make a tremendous impact in our lives. Sometimes the words stick around much longer than the person.

I remember a babysitter we had one summer when I was maybe 6 or 7 years old. I can barely see her face in my mind’s eye but I can hear her voice. She felt that I was a bit overwhelming and talked a bit too much (remember that social gift my teacher noticed a few years later?). She decided that one day she would pretend that I was invisible to teach me a lesson. She had a friend with her that day and together they ignored me for what felt like days but was actually a few hours. If their goal was to make an impact they certainly did! I can still sit in my memory and feel that little girl in the corner of my bedroom, curled up as small as possible, listening to loud laughter and playing with my younger brother in the living room - knowing I was not welcome. This was one, single day – not even! One single 4-hour period in my life that the voices stuck with me for over 30 years! In those days, you didn’t complain to your parents and report every little thing that happened like a CIA officer on assignment the way that kids do today. However, we didn’t have that sitter often after that, which is probably a good thing. I learned my “lesson” and found ways to be present but quiet and not “bother” others with my chatter and entertainment.

So, all's well that ends well, right? Well, that event began shaping me and directing things in my life. I understand that I was quite the chatterbox and it must have been annoying. God has gifted me with a child (or two) just like myself and I very much understand the blessing of silence. However, paired with other incidents as I got older, I found that my voice was not welcome and my thoughts were annoying when around others. Others may have had similar experiences with their gifts. For instance, you are an artist and as a child you drew on everything. A teacher or someone in your family made a comment about you scribbling on everything instead of stating how creative you are and it sticks with you. Perhaps there was a time when you were younger that you sang at the top of your lungs whenever you got a chance. Then one day, that kid on the bus told everyone that you sounded like a frog and they hoped you never tried to sing on American Idol because it would be a waste of time. There are so many other stories like these and every time there are only two outcomes: it either motivates you or nags at you.

For a long time, it shut me up. I was still a very chatty person, it is something I have to work HARD to silence. Even if my mouth is shut the words flow through my mind in a never ending stream. I have to be careful not to chuckle at my own musings and I missed out on a lot of classroom lectures in school because of my own mindful conversations with myself. Nevertheless, I learned to redirect my words or watch faces carefully to carry conversation in a way that flattered others. Every paper I ever wrote, every letter scribbled to a pen-pal, or entry in my journal overflowed with words. Words, it seemed, were always my friends & yet my enemy. The world would always shout: “Keep it brief.” “Get to the point.” Even in creative writing class my teacher would comment that I focused on too many details and then the wrong ones. How is that possible in my own creative writing? Well, apparently I did it! Before I even realized it, I started apologizing before I would give an opinion and began swallowing my words to keep the peace, even if it meant not defending myself. I felt like that little girl who the babysitter pretended was invisible. I began to question my ability to speak well and why anyone would bother to hear what I have to say. The saving grace, or curse, of my particular personality is that I am an eternal optimist. A mentor once called me a “Pollyanna of sorts!” So, although my words were getting shoved down into the black hole of suppression; what I was releasing were words of life and encouragement to others. “You can do it! It will work out! Don’t worry, God will do great things. You will see!” And truly I believe these things to be true. They were what kept me going. The only space that I would share my words freely was to God- good, bad, ugly, boring, and creative. The way I looked at it, He gave me this overflow of vocabulary so He was obligated to listen, right? He was never critical and usually all I needed to do was release the words and then I could go back to pretending I was fine and sprinkling pixie dust on others. Deep down I thought that others could do what I could not because they didn’t have this curse of words to get in their way. I continued like that for years. Through high school and college, dating and marriage, having babies and toddlers - then one night I was reading in Acts about Peter struggling with eating at the house of a “gentile” who ate foods that he had been taught were “unclean.” God shows Peter all the food and tells him it is okay to pick one to eat. Peter says he can’t because they are unclean. God tells Peter not to call unclean what God has called clean. I read it again. It was the first time I can honestly say I had an epiphany. I was struggling with some issues with my children and how other people labeled their behaviors and whether I was a “good mom” (Ever had that happen to you? Spoiler alert - you are a good mom, because God picked you to be their mom. That’s another post!). It was like God spoke right into my ear - “Don’t call unclean what I have called clean. In other words, don’t label the differences and talents that I have intentionally placed in you or your children or anyone else – bad, wrong, broken, or anything other than unique to them.” I sat there for a good bit. I bet if someone had tapped me on the shoulder I would have fallen over. This was completely the opposite of what I had been trying to do my whole life! I had been trying to cover it up. Shush the words and quiet my ideas. I had been trying to assimilate my children to be ”just so.” Mostly because I did not want them to have the voices in their head be all the negative stuff that slowed me down. That day I asked God to show me, teach me, guide me, and grow me into nurturing a spirit of encouragement to help others feel seen and not invisible. To help me give courage not drain life. I asked Him to allow me to use my words to lift others up and help them see the amazingness of what the Creator has placed uniquely in them. I was certain as I stood up from my chair that day that this concept would change my world. I was right!

Do you want to stop feeling invisible? Do you want to stop flattering others as you sit on your own thoughts and ideas? Do you want to shine with that uniqueness that others have always been intimidated by? The scripture reminds us that “Words kill, words give life; They’re either poison or fruit – you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21) What if we are intentional to use words to lift each other up and point each other to the Savior? Think about the impact on your marriage...the impact on your parenting...the impact in your friend group. What about the impact in your workplace...on any unbelieving souls you interact with each day. What if deliverance is in the anointed words you choose to share with others? Isn’t that how the gospel spread from person to person in the first century church - one soul sharing with another? One prisoner to another; one traveler on the road sharing at the campfire with others; one entering a home and blessing it when no one else had been willing to cross their threshold? Let’s choose for our words to be fruit instead of poison. Would the whole world turn around because of our words? No, surely not. However, I believe it’s possible and absolutely probable that Jesus intended for those who wear His name and claim His promises to give life in this messy world.